I will now send you off into the weekend with a list of things that, I admit, are fairly unrelated, but cut me some slack, okay? I found something awful a few days ago and I'm still a little shaken (more details below).
I'm meeting up with some former coworkers for sweet, juicy margaritas and (hopefully) even juicier gossip. I'm way behind on my margarita quota. Don't think less of me, but I think I've only had two margaritas in 2013. How is that possible? Please, if you're reading this, help me get my life back on track.
Two nights ago I found a crisp roach's wing on the floor beside my bed. Thanks to a unique set of circumstances that involved my cat, a bit of torture, and a house slipper, I happen to know that the wing came from a roach that died almost a month ago! Yes, it's disgusting. Yes, it kept me up that night. Yes, I've been in a horrible mood since it happened. And yes, I'm thinking of investing in a professional cleaning service (because apparently cats don't lick everything up).
Some misinformed deviant is selling a self-published version of Anne of Green Gables with the following cover image:
Maybe the publisher chose this cover in a drunken stupor and totally overlooked this description, which appears in chapter 2 of the book when the reader is first introduced to Anne:
She wore a faded brown sailor hat and beneath the hat, extending down her back, were two braids of very thick, decidedly red hair.
Or one of Anne's first speeches, also in chapter 2:
"Now you see why I can't be perfectly happy. Nobody could who has red hair. I don't mind the other things so much--the freckles and the green eyes and my skinniness. I can imagine them away. I can imagine that I have a beautiful rose-leaf complexion and lovely starry violet eyes. But I cannot imagine that red hair away. I do my best. I think to myself, `Now my hair is a glorious black, black as the raven's wing.' But all the time I know it is just plain red and it breaks my heart. It will be my lifelong sorrow."
Or a little later when Anne denounces God for giving her red hair, or the part where she gets into a huge fight with a neighbor who comments on the horrible redness of her hair, or when she dyes her hair green and has to chop it all off, or after she breaks a slate over her future-husband's head because he made fun of her red-ass hair.
"Red hair" could be the most common phrase in this book, is what I'm saying. It's also worth noting that Anne would never wear a flannel shirt and strike a come-hither pose on a haystack. Unless Josie Pye dared her to.